[Most Recent Entries]
Below are the 13 most recent journal entries recorded in
|Tuesday, May 22nd, 2001|
|Yay, added a new friend.
Okay, my friends.I know how few of you their really are out there that read this, but I want you all to please go check out fairedust's
page. She has poetry in her journal, that is to me very uplifting when I'm feeling down. So please please take a look at her journal. I'm sure you will all like the poems, maybe not as well as me, but I'm sure you will all enjoy them.
Rant over, you may return to your normal lives now. *grin* Later. Current Mood: giggly
|What a Tuesday.
Where to begin... I guess with the fact that I received my paycheck yesterday. Yay, I was finally able to go purchase some of life's necessities, at least for me. And I have money to finally see about starting to pay off my debt, if it's not to late by now. And if it is, I have what I need to be able to file for bankruptcy.
My hours for this week and next week are picking up, but we don't have Saturday hours now, so I loose those hours. Which I'm finding for right now is working in my favor. I've ran out of internet time from home, so I'm again updating my journal at work. One of the perks is, if I'm not too busy or don't have anything else to do I can surf the web and check my e-mail.
One of the down sides is that one of my co-workers seems to have something against me. Not that it's a surprise, she's got a thing against the other co-worker in my department. So I'm not letting that get to me, it just makes me feel more at home since she treats everyone that way. *grins* Ohhh, since I haven't said it yet today, I love my job here.
Oh, yay, Badger got his hair cut today. It looks very nice, not that I didn't like the way it did look. But it's short on the top and sides and still long in the back. It looks a lot more professional now, especially if he has the back held back. And he shaved, so his mustache and his beard have taken a hiatus. That surprised me, because it does make him look a whole lot younger, just because it shows his face more. But it doesn't feel like I'm kissing him when I do, because his facial hair is gone. *shrug*
Well, gotta get back to work, I have some material to put away. Ohhh, has anyone been able to guess my job by now? Later. Current Mood: amused
|Friday, May 18th, 2001|
|Another day in Oddsville
Today was one of those days that will stick out for a long long while. There were three events today that stick out more then the rest, so I'll write about them.
Number one, My dad's one true weird-ism.
During the summer he has to keep the air conditioner on high constantly so it never get above sixty five degrees. Which is not good because it average from eighty five to ninety degrees outside. So if I do not get out of here soon I'm likely to be sick off and on all summer long like I was when I was a child. So anyway onto why I brought this up. Badger and I were chased out of the house because of the coldness, in the beginning of the warmer weather even. It no more then begins before my dad turns the inside of the house into winter once again. Ah well, enough about that aside from the fact that I'm glad I have work to go to during the evenings.
Number two, the oddness of a little brat at work.
You see today at work this little brat, about the age of 11, came up to me today and asked my name. When I told him he nodded and as if I had a husband, to which I said, "No, I have an ex." He sighed and shook his head and then asked if I had a boy-friend or a brother. And again I said, "No." Then added, "But I do have a fiancee." He grinned almost maliciously and looked over at Badger then looked at his sisters and said, "That's him. The one that said he's wicked." His oldest sister smiled almost adoringly at Badger and then asked me, "What's his name." I told her and she told Badger hello, smiling the whole time, almost flirting with him. And I know she's just way to young, she is only 14.
But back to the story.
I looked the little brat in the eyes and said, "No, he's Wiccan, spelled W I C C A N. Not wicked, spelled W I C K E D." Then the little brat looked directly at me and said, "Well, my daddy says people like him will go straight to hell, cause they worship the devil, cause they are evil."
Ohhh... The anger that rolled through me as I looked away from the boy, but I did hold it in check and looked back at him without flinching as said as calmly as I could, "Wiccan's are not evil. The difference is they worship a goddess and a god." Then decided to leave it at that, as I didn't need to draw attention to myself at work. But if he does say anything like that again I am afraid I will have to say, "Well then, I guess you and your daddy aren't good christians, as if you were you would know that judgment is for God and God alone. Not for his followers, he is the one that will judge everyone and I think he's probably judged you by your words already."
*Le sigh* I just need to get out of this bible belt area, cause I'm afraid that I can't long take these stupid questions from people that I'll never convince of anything, cause they have already made up their minds. They are just looking for a confrontation. Well, onto the next oddism.
Number three, is not really odd, but just outstanding to me.
Today I talked as I usually do when I can with one of Badger's friends, whom over time had become one of my friends. She is more then just one of his friends, she is also the Priestess of their circle back home. She has been filling me in on everything their, so when I move back with Badger I'm not totally out of it. She's helping me so I can interact with everyone once we get there, until I can find my own path. So as you can see she's been very helpful and friendly to me. And I've known her for some time now, we played on Ever Crack until I turned my back on the ever changing environment their. I hated having my characters change all the time. Hmmm. I seemed to have drifted away from the topic. So back on topic.
You see I like Badger's friend, Rayne, she's been a friend to me since the very first day that Badger introduced the two of us on Ever Crack. We've had some very open lengthy conversations about almost everything. I seem to be stalling.
Well... I was worried that with me being attracted to some females like I am to some males, that I might find her very attractive, as Badger describes her and I might find myself flirting with her. I didn't want to do that without first finding out if it would make her uncomfortable. *smiles* I found out she wouldn't mind me flirting with her. So now I just have to find out how her husband would feel about this. As I don't want him to feel jealous about it, since I also like him as a friend and I don't want to harm their relationship. And I don't want to harm the relationship between her husband, her, Badger, and I.
But I do feel drawn towards her, though I'm not sure why as of yet, aside from the fact that she's my friend.
So as I have probably made it clear, I'm bi-curious. *blush* And if anyone reading this is interested and lets me know I might write about my closest experience at Harvest War. *smiles fondly at the memory as she decides she's updated enough tonight* Later. Current Mood: energetic
|Wednesday, May 16th, 2001|
|What does being Wiccan mean?
That's a question I've been asked several times when people notice my pentagram, which is sort of seldom saying my pentagram looks more ornamental then most. I guess maybe because I'm still afraid of being asked that question, for I'm not entirely certain of all my beliefs at this time, since I'm relatively new in my beliefs. I guess for the most part I tell them that wiccan's believe in two beings instead of on, the goddess and the god. And that our guiding thoughts are usually, "If it harm none, do as ye will." If they are further interested I start telling them about my beliefs such as the three fold law. I've learned that not everyone that claims to be wiccan has a belief in it, but I do, as well as the possibility reincarnation. I've not yet worked on my Book of Shadows, for not wanting to put something into it that I'm not sure of... I'm just to much of a perfectionist in some things. Current Mood: amused
|Tuesday, May 15th, 2001|
|Yay, new books by my favorite author.
Laurell K. Hamilton has new books coming out, and I can't wait to get them. Narcissus in Chains, Out of the World,A kiss of Shadows and Obsidian Butterfly. I need to get Obsidian Butterfly, because it has been out for a while, just not in paperback. So... I might be able to get it earlier, but not own it for a while at least Current Mood: happy
|Is it really Tuesday?
Ahhh, another work day and another chance to get out of the house for hours. I think I might be turning into a regular workaholic, I'd love to have more hours sooner then it looks like I'll be getting them; and it's not just for the money. I want a good reason to be able to escape my folks house. Since it seems to me every single time I try to leave the house they want to know just where I'm going and how long I'll be there, so they know if they can lock the house up or not. But you and I both know that's not what it is at all, I'm 26 and have my own key to the house.
So why do you think they need to know where I am and how long I'll be there. Want to know what I think, I think it's cause they think they run my life again. They keep working around me and my life to try and make sure they can be were I am. They make special efforts even to make sure I'm here at work... Which I feel is really ignorant of them on their part. What, like I really don't want to get out of here SOON. No, quite the opposite, I want out NOW!!!! But I do have to wait until I have money coming in from both Badger and I so we can afford to get our own place and then get out of here. I think we might even be moving to Maryland when we do get enough money to cover our arses. Cause I've learned from my self that I really don't want anything to do with my parents and I'm really despising my youngest sister, though I do car for her son, my nephew.
I just wish she would have raised him better, he's spoiled rotten, but he loves me and looks up to me. I think because he knows what he can and can not get away with me. I treat him as a mother should, with a firm word and just as firm hand. When I say no, I mean no and he knows it. When she says no it means, if you try hard enough you can get away with it. Oh, well. When I have a child or children I know I will raise them differently, for I have seen how they react if raised like she does.
Current Mood: determined
|Monday, May 14th, 2001|
|Ahh, 'tis nice to be at work today
Yes, I know it's odd, very odd for someone in this day in age to be happy to be at work. I'm very happy to be here today. I'm making money doing a job that I really enjoy. My love, Badger, can walk me to work and even hang out here. So it makes my work place a very friendly environment.
Not only that, but I get to remove myself from the house. All day Sunday I just kept wishing that I could work on Sunday's too. I know also very weird, but with my mom in the house I can't cope with being there. I just wanted to walk out of the house and not go back until I knew for certain that she was in bed asleep. She is totally bonkers about keeping the house spotless. So I'm more then happy to be out of the house, not worrying about dropping a single drop of dust on the floor or what not. Anyway that's enough of my being wenchy for the day. Gotta return to work. Current Mood: bouncy
|Saturday, May 12th, 2001|
|It's been a nice long day
Not that the subject for this entry is bad or anything, but it has been a long slow day here at work for the most part. I've found that I will be able to work well with everyone that I'm working with, and that even with the gossip flying around I can make my own decisions about everyone. It's a really nice bunch of ladies that I have the pleasure to be working with. The variations are endless, from young to old, from talkative to quiet, from knowledgeable to learners. I really am enjoying my time here at this job, and when you don't have angry patrons to work with a job can be wonderful.
If I look back and compare this job with PC tech support I can tell that this job is definitely more meant for me. I like working with people, but the tech support avenue just wasn't meant for someone that like computers, but doesn't know every single little bit about them. Well, off to work again after lunch. Current Mood: cheerful
|Saturday morning and I don't get to watch cartoons
Well, I'm up and have been for a while, getting ready to head out the door to work. Not that I mind, it looks like I'll be heading out the door to work before anyone else in the house even wakes up and my parents aren't back from work yet. I had hoped that they would be, I need to talk to them about something my sisters been doing while they are away and I know that if she talks to them first, well then they just will not listen to me. I had hoped that they would go to work this evening, but it looks like they will be using a vacation day again. So no last minute laundry for Badger and I again. Ahhh well, I should have expected that at least, because whenever I plan on them doing one thing they do something completely different. Well I'll be running along, maybe I can slip out the door this morning without waking Badger up. Later everyone. Current Mood: groggy
|Friday, May 11th, 2001|
|Wondering about the dream roads...
I woke up this morning from a dream feeling startled and alone. Badger lay on the couch, sleeping soundly. My sister and her little one were outside on the porch being surprisingly quiet for once and my parents were up in bed. They didn't wake me for once to complain about the state of the house when they got home. But I still felt chilled to the bone and I felt as if something was watching me. These past months have left me change, far more open then ever. I could tell something was following me in the wake of my dreams and it was threatening, but it hadn't moved against me. I've had a lot more experiences in the past few months that have shown to me that maybe I'm coming into power, but I can't find which that is. So I'm afloat in self doubt, which isn't helping me find myself anymore then realizing that I want to have a child and I can't yet. With me not having my own place, not making enough money to even take care of myself let alone a child. I don't want to have my child in need or want of anything if I can help it when I do have one. I'm just afraid that by the time I am set that I'll not be able to have a child, for some reason or other. And I want to someday hold my own child in my arms, sing her soft lullabies, teach her how to write her name and her ABC's, show her the little trick of making a number two into a swan that my Grandfather had taught me when I was little. I feel home sick for a home that I've never had, a place that truly is home for me, and a child that I lost years ago and may never have a chance to have again. Current Mood: discontent
|Wednesday, May 9th, 2001|
|Another day in not so pleasantville.
Today might end up being a complaint day if I don't try to see the silver lining to the cloud that seems to have become my life. My sisters 3 year old woke me up this morning by deciding it would be nice to try and chase my cat across me as I slept. So I have a series of claw marks across my back, and I couldn't yell at the little brat to boot. Goddess knows I can't afford to be kicked out of this house at this time, and I know my sister would see to it that it happened. So rudely awakened from a rather pleasant dream I had to get up, as there was no way I could get back to sleep again. And sleeping on something as tiny as a love seat isn't helping me sleep well to begin with.
I'm so looking forwards to my folks going back to work tonight. That will bring at least 4 days of rest from my moms eternal cleaning and bitching frenzies. And I can't wait to get out of the house tonight to go to work, that way I don't have to deal with my parents giving me a list of phone numbers to call if my sisters psycho ex-boyfriend decides to harass her or even come near the house. It's bad enough that I work somewhere that he's allowed to be, I had to call Badger last night to make sure he was there when I left. I didn't feel like running into my sisters ex. while I was alone. Only thing is it almost turned into an incident when my sister called my dad and told him to get over to where I worked to pick me up, because Badger told her that her ex. was there. And on my second day, two guys come to my place of employment hang around outside as if they are looking for trouble and then they escort me home. Goddess, that felt so wrong. I just wanted Badger, my love, to be there so I wasn't alone. Lets just hope that doesn't happen again. Current Mood: aggravated
|Tuesday, May 8th, 2001|
Okay, so that first entry was pretty short. Thanks go to Silverbrand for getting me to look at LiveJournal and opening a new outlet for me. Current Mood: thankful
Here's to my first entry.
And my first day at my brand new job and hopefully to the rest of my life looking up from here on out. Current Mood: thoughtful